Worth it.

truth.

i never killed anyone. i never beat anyone up.

i never called anyone any names.

ever.

at least not ones that weren’t true.

i was never two-faced either.

so how am i a bitch?

how am i the mean one here?

how did i become a label for cruelty?

it’s because i rejected you, isn’t it?

this is your way of coping with rejection.

great.

well you’re a liar. a fucking liar.

and the sad thing is that everyone is going to believe you.

when you say that i’m a horrible person. that i’m mean.

just because i let you down easy

and you took it hard.

that’s the truth.

Kicking It.

well hi.

how are you?

i missed you. you probably know that though. 

i realized something yesterday: im not much of a human being.

i think that being human means that we have this great internal unquenchable thirst inside of us, scorching us, gnawing at our soul— at our minds. its a longing for something better and bigger than what we have.

and who is truly happy?

so here. i’m gonna kick my story now. its starting immediately. its about the shit ive been through and the fears i have. except—

except its not going to be here. because the internet just isn’t safe anymore.

maybe i’ll write it down and everyone can read it one day. i dont know. maybe this has something to do with my own rekindled unquenchable thirst for success. i dont know. maybe i got a new idea of perfection. maybe i want to try it out. maybe i want to rip apart my life from the itty bitty seams until the roaring tear drowns out the screams inside my head- screams wrought with frustration and pure unadulterated anger.

maybe im a little crazy. a little unstable. maybe im fine.

maybe no one will notice.

or maybe they will.

Picture this:

you’re on an open road, in an old school mustang- turquoise blue- rolling down 66 with the dust blowing up behind you and the wind whipping your hair. flash back. can you smell the electricity? the heat from the nearby mountains?
you’re getting tan from the warmth of the afternoon sun. don’t worry about a burn. you’re totally alone out there. not one soul but you. don’t worry about anything.

just drive.

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again, I shall not live in vain. - Emily Dickinson, Not In Vain

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

- e. e. cummings, i carry your heart with me